fredag, april 02, 2010

Inspiration, kom och stanna!

Vasagatan, torsdag 1 april. Ses på söndag igen.

Jag letar. Letar, letar, letar, letar, letar. Varför måste allt vara så förb-nnat ömtåligt? Hittar men det går sönder. Jag hittar allt. Hur svårt kan det vara? Inspirationen. Har den framför mig. Håller i den. Tar på den. Sen går den sönder. Som en sån där svindyr kinesisk vas som alltid blir till småbitar i den sista bildsekvensen. Som kärlek som bara försvann. Imorgon tar jag bussen ner till Göteborg. En sjutimmarsresa genom ett yrvaket Sverige. Kommer att sitta stirrandes ut genom rutan medan åkrarna flyger förbi i hundratjugo. Om någon sätter sig bredvid så kommer jag inte att märka det. Inte en chans. Jag kommer att vara där jag alltid är när jag reser. Nån annanstans. Jag är nåt annat när jag reser, speciellt med musiken. Sju timmar är en kvart. Jag gick i åttan när vi gjorde en långresa genom Tanzania. Vi åkte från internatskolan mitt i landet upp till föräldrarnas station i norr. Det måste ha varit precis i övergången mellan torr- och regnperiod för jag minns både gröna och söndertorkade gyllenbruna fält. De senare var oändliga och badade i någon slags djupröd kvällssol som aldrig ville gå ner. Minns att jag satt längst bak i Toyotajeepen. Vi studsade fram genom lervälling på sönderkörda jordvägar men jag kunde inte slita blicken från allt fint där ute. Jag höll i mig. Sa inget, bara satt där och var nån annanstans. Såg i min tonårsfantasi hur hon sprang fram över fälten där ute och tänkte på hur det ska bli när hon blev min. Det blev hon aldrig. Brukar tänka på den där resan. Hur den förförde mig i sin enkelhet och hur jag fortfarande kan hämta inspiration ifrån minnet. Har inte en aning om varför den etsat sig fast men ungefär så här ser fälten ut i min hjärna, fast mer Afrika.

Okej, några tidningar hinner jag nog bläddra igenom innan bussen rullar in på Nils Ericsonterminalen. Och så fick jag ju låna "Högläsaren" av Christin. Glad påsk!

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